This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
