My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
