I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize