I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize