Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
