JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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