Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
