erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
