i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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