I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Panties = found
Randomize
