Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
