My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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