You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
