help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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