Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
