Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
