im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
