i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
