Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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