My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
what is it with giant penises always finding me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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