Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
