I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
