On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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