I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
