So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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