i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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