i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
