I hate all girls vehemently.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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