I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
