We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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