So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize