What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
