I'm gonna have a badass scar
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize