if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize