Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
