I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
