I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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