my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize