ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
