Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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