that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
