im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
