All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
And then he peed in my hair
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