Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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