we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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