i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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