Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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