So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
