so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
