life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
