There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
