You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
