I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
