and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
