I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
