I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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