That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize