Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my being single is dangerous.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
