i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize