last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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