If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
