Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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