Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
there is glitter all over my balls
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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