i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
