evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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