Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
