MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to sanitize my soul.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
