Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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