I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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