I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're a waste of cheezeits
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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