Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
