I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
