Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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