i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
