I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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