If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
