I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
