Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
