Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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