Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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