people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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