Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
