I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
